Chocolate Salty Balls

From the South Park television show

I have always tried to keep this blog kid-friendly, but this is one of those things I just can't avoid forever. In honor of Isaac Hayes, I decided to create a Chocolate Salty Balls recipe using the ingredients from the song. I apologize in advance for any offense. Parents, please forgive me, and avert your children's eyes if you must. Your kid probably won't get the joke anyway. South Park has always been a very controversial show, with topics that range from offensive to just plain disgusting. But, unlike many other similar television cartoon shows (I won't name which) it actually always has something to say. Throughout it's 17 seasons the show has slowly evolved from a silly immature cartoon into a genuine satire, with honest and occasionally thoughtful messages embedded amongst the crude humor. Additional to decent writing, it has won the respect of many nerds everywhere with detailed references to geeky things such as World of Warcraft, Batman and Star Trek. One week from today is the three year anniversary of the death of Isaac Hayes, a talented and influential soul singer, and the man who voiced the beloved South Park character called Chef. Chef was the portly and promiscuous cafeteria cook for the first 10 seasons of the show. As one one of the more kind and down-to-earth characters, his advice was often sought by the four protagonists... Although this advice generally manifested itself though totally inappropriate and non-relevant soul songs. The recipe I have for you today comes from one of those very soul songs, probably the most popular song from the show, titled "Chocolate Salty Balls." You can listen here, or read here, but I warn you it's totally NSFW (or for the squeamish, or easily offended, OR children). The song basically describes a recipe for a salty spherical pastry to um, well... to suck on. Despite the not-so-subtle joke here, I thought a salty chocolate pastry sounded pretty tasty... and I was right! Chef's balls are delicious!

 

Ingredients

 

3/4 cup unsalted butter

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

1/4 cup brandy (or use espresso for an alcohol-free version)

4 cups semisweet chocolate chips

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

4 large eggs

2 tablespoons cinnamon (or to taste)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

Flaky sea salt, to taste

 

Directions:

1. In a saucepan, bring the butter, sugar, and brandy to a boil, stirring constantly. Remove from heat.
2. Stir in 2 cups of chocolate chips until melted. (Don’t forget to give that spoon a lick!) Let cool slightly, then stir in the vanilla.
3. In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs. Gradually add the chocolate mixture, mixing well.
4. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and kosher salt. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the chocolate mixture, stirring until fully incorporated.
5. Fold in the remaining 2 cups of chocolate chips.
6. Spread the batter into a greased 8x8 inch baking pan and bake at 325°F (163°C) for 35–45 minutes, or until a fork inserted in the center comes out clean. Don’t burn your balls!
7. Let the brownies cool just enough to handle (still warm but not scalding).
8. Meanwhile, spread some coarse sea salt on a small plate or cutting board.
9. Scrape up the brownie mix, avoiding the hard edges, and roll into 1-inch balls (or whatever size you like).
10. Lightly press each ball into the flaky salt. Don't go overboard. Too much salt is bad, mmmkay? If you happen to overdo it, just brush off the excess.
11. You're done! Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em!

 

 

Yield: Approximately 24 salty balls (if rolled into 1-inch balls)

 

 

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This recipe has been cleaned up! 

 

Original recipe text:
In a saucepan, bring the butter, sugar and brandy to a boil, stirring constantly. Remove from the heat. Stir (with a wooden spoon) in 2 cups of chocolate chips until melted. Remember to give that spoon a lick! Cool mixture slightly. Stir in vanilla. In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs. Gradually add the chocolate mixture and mix well. Combine the flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt, then gradually add the dry ingredients to the chocolate mixture. Stir in any remaining chocolate chips. Spread into a greased baking pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 35-45 minutes or until a fork inserted in the center comes out clean. Careful not to burn your balls! Let cool just enough that it won't burn your hands. Meanwhile set up a small plate or cutting board with some of the sea salt on it. Scrape up the brownie mix, working around the edges. You don't want to use the hard edges for the balls. Begin shaping 1″ balls out of the mix, give or take in size. Roll the balls in the salt. Do this very lightly (I suggest you do NOT try to emulate the picture), a little sea salt goes a very long way.  If you do happen to oversalt, just brush the excess salt crystals off. Too much salt is bad, mmmkay? You're done, put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em!